Hello Flower Tribe,
Tis' the season to be more a little more selfish. If you listened to my YouTube video, "Self-Care: It's Important to be a little Selfish," then you already know that I am 100% for empowering people to be selfish. Yes, you read that right. I am debunking the longstanding myth about being selfish being a bad thing and rewiring that connotation to avocation for self-improvement and empowerment.
If you're on the Michelle Obama bandwagon, then I'm quite sure that you're reading the book, Becoming. Mrs. Obama talks about so many powerful things in her book, but one thing that she stated REALLY grabbed my attention. She stated in her book, "I was old enough to realize that all of he hours my mother spent on Craig and I were hours she didn't spend on herself."
WOW. Talk about being reflective. This conversation needed to happen and reflection needed to be shared with the world and women at large. Notoriously and quite frankly by nature women are givers and nurtures. We dedicate so much time to working on and helping everyone else that we neglect ourselves, or as Michelle stated, we dedicate that time and energy to others.
So in the spirit of becoming and all things self-care. Let's discuss three ways to BECOME selfish, and ladies I want you to do this without feeling bad.
3 Ways to Become Selfish.
1. Plan. As my grandmother always said, "Those who fail to plan. Plan to fail." The intention of creating a self-care routine is no exception. I know initially it may be difficult for you to try to find time and space for you to create a routine for yourself. In fact, figuring out what you want to do for you may be a little unsettling as you've grown accustomed to doing things for others. This is perhaps is your first step in creating a self-ish plan. Start by thinking about what you like to and begin planning ways to make time for it.
2. Spend time alone. This is a big one. Don't be afraid to adjust to the feeling of your own company. I know the work, family, friends, partnered life can get you adjusted to other people's company, but learning to appreciate your solitude is about building your relationship with self. It's okay to go places by yourself and do things alone. Let me speak from personal experience tribe, as you spend time alone, you will learn sooooo much about yourself. Equally as exciting, doing things alone offers you advantages that doing things with others does not. For instance, you don't have to compromise on time, location, activity, etc. You can just learn to go and do as you please. Compromise is great, but so is a little self-satisfying behavior here and there! ;-)
3.Be Intentional with your time. This is the last piece. When we get alone and make more time for ourselves even despite planning sometimes we might fall into activities or opportunities that are not self-care related. This is where we have to learn to be truly accountable for self. It's not to say that our time for ourselves should regulated and every minute must be productive, however, we do not want to start creating time that ultimately works against our self work. As mentioned before, we would more than likely categorize this as self-sabotaging behavior. As we grow further in commitment with self, there is a recognition and understanding that this relationship deserves certain standards and quality of living. This absolutely means being intentional with our time and the usage of our resources.
As we continue to Bloom into our Best Selves, remember that any act towards the betterment of self ultimately works toward your benefit and the benefit of your entire tribe. Try not to be apologetic for giving yourself what you need. They'll thank you in the end.
Peace and love,
About the author:
Courtney Brookins is a mother, poet, author and educator. She published her first book, Flowering Yourself, which is a collection of poems. She is also the co-founder of OneSun3Flowers with her two daughters, which is an empowerment and leadership organization for women, girls, mothers and daughters centered around practicing self-care and building healthy relationships.
YouTube: OneSun3flowers TV