Self-Talk is Real Talk: How do you Speak to Yourself?
Hello Flower Tribe,
As the saying goes, it's not crazy to talk to yourself as long as you're not answering. But what's generally not discussed is how important those conversations with yourself actually are.
In those conversations, are usually a looming voice that speaks to you in a certain tone. It may be gentle or scolding. It may be understanding or critical. But, where does this voice come from? And how do we get the opportunity to control how we talk to ourselves?
One day, I was riding in my car and having a talk with myself. Not literally. Don't judge me- HA! But seriously, I was reflecting on a situation with a family member, and I remember being forceful and trying to coerce my thoughts into agreeing to an alternate perspective. Now whether I decided to acquiesce or not is the point. I really noticed the scolding, parental tone of voice I used when I talked to myself. Naturally, you may assume that my stern voice comes from the fact that I'm a mother or educator, but as I traced back to the root or the source of how I spoke to myself, I found myself being a young child again...meaning I believe this inner voice came from how I was spoken to as a child.
A quote that I am quite fond on states, "the voice you speak to your children in becomes the voice that they learn to answer to." Perhaps this quote is not exact so I'll attach it somewhere on here, but the premise of the statement has validity. That inner voice has shown up in so many situations.
I think it's important to work on shifting how we talk to ourselves. Self-talk is real talk. It is not only your own internal experience with yourself, but it also sets the frame work for how you allow others to speak to you.
So, how do we begin shifting? I think it begins with being intentional. When you find yourself being critical or harsh with yourself take a moment to first recognize that. Once, you've noticed it you can begin to the work. Perhaps, you can stop yourself by interrupting your thought/conversation. Having a "go to phrase" or word may be important in interrupting this behavior. For instance, saying "gentle" could be the world you use to disrupt that conversation. When you say that to yourself, you now know that your words must be more kind when you speak to yourself. Allow yourself to still process that same conversation, but attempt to come from a place of peace or understanding. You can still be reflective and realistic without being harsh or critical.
I challenge you to start examining your conversations with self. Do they reflect the love, grace and peace that you believe you deserve? Are your conversations affirming and uplifting? If not, it is time to make that switch and there's no time like the present.
I would love to hear your success stories or techniques that you use to create healthy self dialogues. Please leave your comments or suggestions beneath this blog. Also make sure you click "like", and share it with your friends. Most importantly, remember to subscribe to the blogs on our website so you can receive the first notifications when they're posted.
Keep living, keep growing and remember to Bloom into Your Best Self,
About the author:
Courtney Brookins is a mother, poet, author and educator. She published her first book, Flowering Yourself, which is a collection of poems. She is also the co-founder of OneSun3Flowers with her two daughters, which is an empowerment and leadership organization for women, girls, mothers and daughters centered around practicing self-care and building healthy relationships.
YouTube: OneSun3flowers TV