Self-Sabotaging Behavior
Hello Flower Tribe,
Thank you for you for your consistent support and following. If you've been a part of the blooming tribe for a while or whether you're new to it, you may have noticed my consistent commitment to practicing self-care.
The other day, I saw a meme online that outlined self-sabotaging behavior. As a self-love activist, this unquestionably caught my attention. (Disclaimer: Before I continue, I would like to note that this is a blog and I am not a mental health therapist. I am, however, a mother, women's advocate and girls' champion who believes that we need to take time to reflect on our patterns, behaviors, etc to help us lead healthy fruitful lives.) Continuing on, I have noticed that there was a long list of things that I have or sometimes continue to take part in a dress it up in the name of "doing what's best for me." But how is it best for you when it hurts you in the long run?
Let's try to define self-sabotaging behaviors. Self-sabotaging behaviors are decisions, patterns, thoughts, and words that ultimately work against your better good. They usually feel good in the moment, but intuitively you know it is working against what you ultimately need. For instance, yes buying that item that you've had your eye on for the last few months may bring you gratification, but long term it will hurt you if you did not financially prepare for the purchase. Or perhaps, you miss an old friend or lover. Extending communication to him/her may bring satisfaction to the longing of their presence, but when old behaviors show up in the relationship you are right back where you left off. And if you've been working hard to eat clean or loose weight, but you eat a row of cookies because this is what historically has been a catalyst for your moods, I hate to break it, but this falls into the self-sabotaging behaviors category too.
It's funny because if you're like me, you've heard people say "splurge you work hard" or "it's better to eat that than to be stressed" or "some people you just can't get out of your life." These statements may seem harmless, but they're enabling your poor decision making. These types of words bring comfort and a continuation of bad decision making.
So how can we avoid self-sabotaging? You know every since I recognized some of these patterns within myself, I've asked myself the same question. I think the first step is to recognize what you're doing. This begins with self-reflection. After you've identified these behaviors, taking gradual steps may help you to break this pattern. Even better, practicing behaviors that will support your long term goals yet bring you comfort may be helpful. For example, if you know you're an emotional shopper, you may want to put some money away each pay check that will be dedicated towards these type of emotional buys. This way you can operate within the budget you've allotted without the after guilt. Or maybe eating brings you comfort so instead of binging on sugary items, you find a more healthy comfort food that won't bring you guilt the next day. Finally, if you notice yourself missing an old friend or lover then maybe you might write down a list of things that you appreciated about that relationship and share it with a close friend or loved one without actually making contact with your past.
There's so many ways for us to practice self-love and the journey is never ending. Stay strong and focused in your practice. You got this!
Love,
Courtney
About the author:
Courtney Brookins is a mother, poet, author and educator. She published her first book, Flowering Yourself, which is a collection of poems. She is also the co-founder of OneSun3Flowers with her two daughters, which is an empowerment and leadership organization for women, girls, mothers and daughters.
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