Creating Boundaries is for Everyone Including your Children
Hello Floral World, thank you for following us in our quest in self-care and self-love. In a world full of so many commitments and expectations, it is imperative that we keep ourselves as our first priority. #jointhebloom
If you've been following me for a while, then you know I am a huge advocate for women, especially mothers. practicing self-care. Even more so, I find it extremely important that we (women) teach our daughters and other girls the importance of caring for ourselves. As discussed in so many women circles, this concept of the superwoman needs to be dissected for our own mental health. Creating boundaries is a great place to start.
Being a woman, encompasses so much. Naturally, we nurture, love and care for so many, but unfortunately this comes at the cost of our mental, spiritual, emotional and even physical well-being. This is why creating boundaries in your life is so crucial.
My girls are 10 & 8. As you might have noticed, that 2 year gap allowed me to experience a toddler and a newborn at the same time! WOAH is all I can say. This meant that I was breast feeding, potty training, operating on sleepless nights, using two car seats and utilizing double strollers. As the girls continued to grow, those needs transformed into new variables that kept me equally as busy. I found myself always worrying about the needs of others, specifically the girls, before my own. Even in a recent post on Instagram I mentioned how I found myself fixing plates for everyone else besides myself. It's true. I was so far from practicing self-care. I was much more readily practicing neglect.
The interesting about womanhood is that no one every really tells you about the importance of loving and caring for yourself. You're taught the importance of being a source of stability and comfort for everyone else but yourself. Even more, you're not taught about how much focusing on everyone else's needs can leave you depleted, angry, unhappy and overwhelmed. I eventually got to the point where I realized that something would have to change!
I started prioritizing my own needs and I learned that this was not selfish, but rather imperative to helping me become the woman and mother that I always wanted to be. I also learned that practicing self-care and boundaries directly taught my daughters how to do the same.
The girls have learned so much from my self-care journey. I see these conversations showing up in their relationship with one another as well as with other family members and friends. We discuss what are the characteristics of a good friendship, how to handle disagreements, how to advocate for yourself and self-love. We have discussions about spending time alone and about being intentional with our time which are all characteristics of boundary setting and self-care. Most importantly, we talk about love starting with us and how we will have nothing to give anyone else unless we give it to ourselves first.
They have even learned the importance of self-care and creating a healthy structure from the expectations that I have implemented between us. That's right we has household boundaries! For instance, mornings were rather hectic in the past. We're up pretty early, so from the moment everyone was up we constantly in each other's space and face. I recognized that created an environment for arguments among the girls and frustration or hostility from me. I then decided to implement a morning routine which could allow us all to get ready peacefully.
First, hair products were a major issue so I purchased all of the hair products that the girls liked and put them under their cabinet in their bathroom. This eliminated the need for them to constantly knock on my door to get different things from my bathroom. This allowed me a little time in the morning to get my barrings together before leaving the house and walking into my workplace.
Next, I created space for each girl to have her own space in the morning. Big sister, received first priority in the bathroom on Monday, Wednesday and Friday and little sister on Tuesday and Thursday. This allowed the girls to have their own space & time in the bathroom and get themselves ready without having to fuss about who would get the brush first, or who was taking over too much of the sink, etc. Whichever sister was able to go first in the bathroom, the other sister would utilize another part of the house to get herself ready for the remainder of the day. This smoothed so much over. (I did have to implement an "all in or all out" rule. If you finish and allow your sister to come in then she will receive the same respect and space you had while you were in the bathroom by yourself. Therefore, you must wait until she is done.)
Finally, I requested peaceful mornings. Sometimes, children find ways to come into your room every two minutes or to pick arguments with one another. I established a peaceful climate and reminded the girls of the importance of allowing our mornings to start peacefully in order to make sure that we ALL had a great day.
Teaching, practicing and creating boundaries is no always the easiest task when you have a family. A matter of fact it can be down right difficult because many of us have been taught that love has no limits, but I'm here to remind you that it definitely has boundaries. I want the girls to grow up and have learned healthy relationships skills that they can carry with themselves outside of my home. I believe teaching boundaries is a very essential step in that direction.
Do you need help establishing boundaries with your family & within your household? Here are 7 ways to start:
1. Reflect on your needs & the needs of the household.
2. Have candid conversations.
3. Prioritize & practice self-care.
4. Establish routines.
5. Set expectations.
6. Create alone time.
7. Work together.
Good luck in your journey,
Courtney
About the author:
Courtney Brookins is a mother, poet, author and educator. She published her first book, Flowering Yourself, which is a collection of poems. She is also the co-founder of OneSun3Flowers with her two daughters, which is an empowerment and leadership organization for women, girls, mothers and daughters.
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